panic attack

the worst I've had in a long time

I thought I was sort of past that
I mean,
it happens sometimes but not like this
not like I'm going to die


I am so scared
I am constantly afraid

I don't know what to do
or what to say

things start crumbling and
there is a knife in my chest
a thousand knives going deep
in there

I can't breathe and
I can't tell if this is going to end in heartbreak

but it might, so
I'm terrified

— funny, this was going to be about my job
somehow my mind goes back to you —

can you taste the fear in my lips?
can you feel it as your hands trace my hips?

do you wonder what I'm thinking about
when I am naked by your side?
do you get disappointed when you get a text
and it isn't mine?

I do and
I'm terrified.